Chalk It Up to Love

It was AJ's birthday this week, and her cousins surprised her by decorating our driveway with sidewalk chalk. As you can tell, she was pretty excited - it was an awesome show of love!

Want to try it? Just gather up the kids and some sidewalk chalk and sneak out in the dark tonight to give someone you love a nice surprise to wake up to :)


Gonna Need Grace

How Can I Help: Depression

If you met Carly (name has been changed), you would think she has everything under control. Not only does Carly come across as someone who's moving through life on a pretty even keel, but she is also incredibly accomplished in several areas, including musically and as a home decorator. If you met Carly, you would see the side of her that she wants you to see.

But when she's home, when she doesn't have her 'public' face on, Carly often feels like she can't cope with life...like she is swimming for shore against a riptide.

Carly struggles with moderate depression, which she describes as depression that can be debilitating but not suicidal. It comes and goes, although she never knows for sure what is going to bring it on, or when. She tells me that her husband knows of her struggle, and her kids notice that she's often 'grumpy', 'moody', or just plain 'in bed', but most people don't suspect that anything is wrong. Carly is one of many women living in what I call "the quiet crucible" - living with a trial that is invisible to most, fighting along valiantly without the benefit of the dinners and notes and support that someone with a more noticeable trial might get.

None of us is at fault for not recognizing the silent struggles of others, but if the Spirit has prompted you or you somehow suspect that a friend or family member is living with depression, you might wonder: How can I help? Let's learn directly from Carly on that. She suggests:

1. It's okay to ask a close friend or family member if they might be depressed. Just be sure to do so in private, not when her kids or others are within hearing range.

2. If your friend chooses to confide in you, do a LOT more listening than talking. A nod or a soft touch will convey your empathy much better than that over-used phrase, "I know just how you feel." Also, don't feel like you have to acknowledge her depression every time you talk - much better to talk about normal things that any friends would discuss.

3. It's okay to offer suggestions or referrals, such as mentioning briefly that LDS Family Services provides counseling support, but don't pressure your friend to seek treatment, and don't make her feel judged by offering up platitudes such as 'count your blessings'. She is likely trying her best to do such things already. (Remember that Carly is not suicidal. If you suspect your friend or family member is contemplating suicide, seek out professional help immediately).

4. Stay in touch by calling to chat or just dropping by. Carly says, "If you call and ask if it's okay to come over, I'll probably say no. But if you just show up, I'm not going to shut the door in your face, and later I'll be glad you came."

5. The written word is powerful. Write your friend a card or note telling her what you love about her or what qualities she has that enrich your life. Emails are nice, but an actual card or note will be something she can put by her bed and read over and over when she needs to.

How Can I Help? offers just a few suggestions for serving others who are going through a particular trial. These suggestions may not be right for everyone. As always, the best way to serve is to let the Spirit guide you. Pray over your friends and family members who are struggling so that your mind can be enlightened. Have other suggestions? Leave them for us in the comments!

Gonna Need Grace

No Junky Trunkies

Okay, the opposite of a "greenie" missionary is one who's a little trunky - a missionary who will soon be leaving the mission field and is thinking of home.

But, there's still time to send something fun to your beloved missionary, and what better than a trunk full of love?

An actual trunk would be a little expensive to ship, but there are loads of trunk-like treasure chests that will serve your purpose just as well.

Now, what to put in that trunk? Well, your missionary might be having trouble focusing, so it's your job to help him or her out with that!

First of all, a nice batch of well-wrapped homemade cookies, just to show that you've got things covered at home!

Things to help your mish focus:
An energy bar (finish with energy)
A "Return With Honor" tie tack
A Book of Mormon with your testimony in for giving away
A picture of the Savior

Don't forget a personal letter, always the most important part of any care package!

Gonna Need Grace

Do-It-All Dinner

Searching around AllRecipes for something healthy to feed my family, I found this recipe for Mexican Orzo Salad.

Wow, what a perfect recipe! Not only is it a cold salad (hello, summer!), and chock full of super foods like beans and peppers, but it is sooo versatile.

The recipe made a huge bowlful, enough to feed my family for dinner and have leftovers for lunch. Here's what we found out:

You can add almost anything to it for variety and it tastes great! Some of us added mushrooms, cucumber, avocado and even blueberries, and all of it tasted so good.

You can warm it up in a tortilla with some shredded cheese and salsa - Yum!

It tastes great in a pita pocket, and would make a great and healthy school lunch this way.

Bottom line, I love this salad, and I feel great about serving it to my family! P.S. I reduced the oil called for in the dressing by 2 TBS and it turned out just fine ;)


Gonna Need Grace

A Gentle Touch

Most of us are used to seeing at least a few large families filling the pews when we go to church. Maybe you are mothering a large family right now.

A mom of 8 that I used to know modeled a wonderful way of connecting with her children for me.

With 8 kids, it wasn't uncommon for her to be involved with one of them while another one was jumping up and down wanting to talk to her or tell her something.

Without ever letting her attention stray from the child who was already talking to her, she would simply place a hand on the other child's shoulder, letting him know that she knew he was there and that his turn was next.

This little tip helped her give each child the attention they needed, and I'm pretty sure they all felt equally important to her.

Gonna Need Grace

How Can I Help?

Most of us are born with an innate desire to help others. When we see suffering, our natural inclination is to try to relieve it however we can.

Elder Ronald A. Rasband spoke on this topic in the April 2012 General Conference. He said, "If you come upon a person who is drowning, would you ask if they need help - or would it be better to just jump in and save them from the deepening waters? The offer, while well meaning and often given, 'Let me know if I can help' is really no help at all."

We all know that's true, because when people ask us what they can do to help, we usually say, "Nothing" or "We're fine", when inside we are drowning.

On the other hand, jumping in to help someone isn't always easy, because unless you've walked a mile in their shoes, it can be very hard to know what kind of service is needed or would be welcomed.

So, let's take the mystery out of what we can do to help each other! Some wonderful women have agreed to share with me what helped them through particular struggles, and I'm hoping more will join them. In posts tagged 'How Can I Help?', you'll find interviews with women (most of whom will be anonymous) about what it's like to struggle with depression, cancer, losing a child, chronic illness, and other trials, and what kinds of service meant the most to them.

Everyone's situation is different, and inspiration is key to service, but hopefully over time we'll have built a nice reference guide that will to help us serve our friends and neighbors who are dealing with specific struggles.



Gonna Need Grace

PB & Whatever

What is it about church that makes me soooo starving?! No matter if it's the first Sunday of the month or the last, by the time I get out of church my stomach feels like a school during summer vacation...completely empty.

My kids agree with me on this. I simply can't get the meal on the table fast enough after church on Sunday. Right away, they're all in the kitchen, underfoot, ruining their dinner and annoying me by scavenging for snacks while I'm trying to cook.

Of course, the crockpot is a good friend on Sundays, but to be honest, church starts at 8:30 a.m. for me and I almost never have my act together enough to get a crockpot meal on before I leave. Also, there's the small matter of a jagged crack in my crockpot that may or may not cause my house to burn down someday.

Luckily, my friend Jenny W. gave me this tip: when you get home from church, put some sliced apples and peanut butter on the table and let the kids go to town. This gives them a nice little protein kick that will keep them satisfied until the meal is ready, without spoiling their appetites with a bunch of sugar. Substitute celery or bananas or whatever you have on hand for the apples, if you like.

And don't forget to have some yourself ;)